YOU DA REAL MVPs
If you missed Monday's Boredwalk email, well, it was a doozy. I'll spare you a repeat of the gory details, but our offices were broken into and burglarized (again) for the second time in as many months last weekend.
I and the entire Boredwalk team have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support in response, from placing generous orders to messages of encouragement and empathy to sharing what happened on social media to help spread awareness about our weird little brand.
A HUGE thank you to everyone who replied to the email or reached out via DM over Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and elsewhere. We are by no means out of the woods, but we do have a much-needed spring in our step as we continue to navigate all the challenges 2024 has thrown at us so far.
Thank you so, so much!
No, seriously — thank you
GIF via CBS
Random occasions? Have at them:
• National Dentist Day — Seriously? Gum reaper is out here looking for a statue? Hard pass.
• National Frozen Food Day — I don't know about you, but I would not have made it out of my teen years without fish sticks and frozen peas.
• National Oreo Day — My annual opportunity to remind you that Hydrox were first and Oreos are cookie-come-latelies riding their coattails!
• In 1836 3,000 Mexican troops finally succeeded in storming and capturing the Alamo following a 13-day siege defended by a mere 187 volunteers comprised of US colonists and Tejanos rebelling against the central Mexican government. Shoulda tried hiding in the basement!
• Dmitri Mendeleev presented the first periodic table to the Russian Chemical Society on this day in 1869
• Birthday sandwich cookies all around for: Italian painter, sculptor, and teenage mutant ninja turtle Michelangelo (1475), French author & playwright Cyrano de Bergerac (1619), English-Italian poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806), songwriter, bandleader, and King of Western Swing Bob Wills (1905), actor & comedian Lou Costello of Abbott & Costello and "Who's on first?" fame (1906), famed illustrator & publisher Will Eisner of The Spirit fame (1917), comedian, actor, announcer, and large check enthusiast Ed McMahon (1923), legendary jazz guitarist & songwriter Wes Montgomery (1923), singer Mary Wilson of The Supremes (1944), English singer-songwriter & guitarist David Gilmour of Pink Floyd fame (1946), actor & filmmaker Rob Reiner of All in the Family, This Is Spinal Tap, The Sure Thing, The Princess Bride, and When Harry Met Sally fame (1947), comedian, actor, producer, and screenwriter D.L. Hughley (1963), actress Connie Britton of Friday Night Lights and Nashville fame (1967), basketball icon, savvy businessman, and walking hilarious soundbite Shaquille O'Neal (1972), English singer-songwriter and guitarist Guy Garvey of the perpetually underrated band Elbow (1974), and rapper Beanie Sigel (1974)
• Pour one out for: Colonel & knife enthusiast James "Jim" Bowie and frontiersman, politician, and raccoon hat enthusiast Davy Crockett (d. 1836), who just couldn't make it to that elusive basement in time.
Also dribble a tipple in honor of novelist & poet Louisa May Alcott of Little Women fame (d. 1888), conductor and composer John Philip Sousa of marching band music fame (d. 1932), Mount Rushmore designer & sculptor whose name sounds like the result of a bet his parents lost Gutzon Borglum (d. 1941), novelist & Nobel Prize laureate Pearl S. Buck (d. 1973), Russian-American "philosopher" and professional whiner Ayn Rand (d. 1982), painter and "flower" enthusiast Georgia O'Keeffe (d. 1986), singer-songwriter & guitarist Mark Linkous of Sparklehorse fame (d. 2010), singer-songwriter & guitarist Alvin Lee of Ten Years After fame (d. 2013), and surgeon & Tommy John surgery pioneer Frank Jobe (d. 2014)
Alright, on to the amusing links!
*****
1. 🍸 Sir, she bought you a drink. You know the rules!
Tess woman-spreads all over the place and explains the transactional nature of this "free" cocktail. Now be a good little boy and grab your rubber mallet and socket wrench set — that weird noise isn't going to fix itself!
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook. But if you're looking for merch, just buy directly from a brand's website. These social media jabronis don't deserve to get a cut.
sdsd
2. 🗳️ And the nominee is...
Matt Buechele has thoughts on this that are funny, but less funny and more depressing is the fact that I literally wrote in "Lucifer Morningstar" on my ballot for a couple of uncontested seats the other day and am more confident in a fictional literary character's bona fides than those of whichever living, breathing jabroni just got elected because no one else felt like running against them.
Evy Kay reveals the secret to untold riches on social media (and killer banana bread)!
4. 🧙🏽♀️ If they didn't want to get eaten, they should've left the house made of candy alone
It's 2024, and social media users are still being judgmental AF about non-mainstream dietary choices. I thought we were past this!
5. 🧌 Riddle me this, taxpayer!
Gabe has run afoul of the tax troll, and while this is a comedy sketch, it sure does also seem rooted in fact. Shout out to Tess for writing some awful(ly funny) poetry!
*****
We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
Peace, love, and thanks,
Matt
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