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IN MY BELLY, NATURALLY!
Happy National Tortilla Chip Day! Meredith and I started celebrating early when I whipped up some loaded nachos for dinner last weekend. Interested parties should reply to this email to request a pic of that epic platter, but I can't be held responsible if seeing it leads to the ruination of any carb-related New Year's resolutions that are still persisting.
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Today's famous birthday boys/girls/persons are as follows:
• Writer and anthropologist Wilhelm Karl Grimm, born this day in 1786! Wilhelm was one half of the literary duo that brought us the famed compilation Grimms' Fairy Tales. Thanks for the nightmares, Bill!
• Actor Abraham Charles "Abe" Vigoda, born this day in 1921! The son of Jewish immigrants from Russia, Mr. Vigoda studied acting in college thanks to the G.I. Bill upon returning from active military service during World War II. Key roles: Salvatore Tessio in The Godfather, Phil Fish in police sitcom Barney Miller and its spinoff Fish, and assorted random cameos as himself on Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Abe was also the subject of countless celebrity death hoaxes from 1982, which became a running joke on late night talkshows until his actual passing in 2016.
• Actor, producer, director, and activist Edward James Olmos, born this day in 1947! Mr. Olmos has an extensive filmography, including appearances in Miami Vice (the original), Battlestar Galactica (the remake), Blade Runner (both original AND the 2049 sequel), and Stand and Deliver. Fun fact: one of the students of high school math teacher Jaime Escalante, whom Edward played in Stand and Deliver, was Sergio Valdez. Mr. Valdez is currently an engineer at Jet Propulsion Laboratory and helped lead a team that was part of the Perseverance rover project that just landed on Mars last week. Cool!
• Apple co-founder and CEO Steven Paul Jobs, born this day in 1955! Even if you've never owned an Apple product in your life, Jobs' expertise as an industrial designer influenced a lot of modern technology over the decades, from personal computers that could fit on a desk, mass-use of computer mice instead of keystroke commands, smartphones, and laying the groundwork for those wonderful Pixar movies we've all been enjoying over the last 25 years.
• Comedian Mitchell Lee Hedberg, born this day in 1968! Though his predilection for hard drugs ended up cutting his life short, his deadpan delivery of non sequiturs, one-liners, surreal scenarios, and use of wordplay still never fails to elicit a giggle or ten out of me.
OK, OK...you've waited long enough. It's link time!
1. Artist Valeriano Fatica can't stop cutting the cheese!
OK, so maybe "chiseling" is the better verb to use here, but I couldn't resist. Fatica has made a name for himself by demonstrating his sculptural prowess on unconventional materials, including coffee beans, fruits, and cheese.
2. WoofBowl — a food truck for pups!
On the one hand, any opportunity to admire happy pups is one we should relish. On the other hand, indulgent weirdness like this is probably why the rest of the world hates us.
This is both adorable AND depressing AND relatable AND I want so much more of it in my eyeballs.
4. This is kind of an oldie, but it's DEFINITELY a goodie!
Way back in 2015 we met some puppeteers who were trying to get a live action show featuring a guy and his shark roommate made. This was the unaired pilot, and it STILL cracks us up; why it never got picked up for a full season is beyond me. Guess it was just ahead of its time. I know it's not exactly new, but it was a struggle to find five links to uplifting content this week, between the humanitarian crisis in Texas and the grim pandemic milestone we just passed. Watch this, chuckle, and for goodness' sake stay home and wear a damn mask!
Certainly there's nothing wrong with a little shameless self-promotion amongst friends?
ASKING FOR A FRIEND (IT ME...I'M THE FRIEND)
Happy Random Act of Kindness Day! I suppose I'm already well on my way as far as celebrating goes by sharing all the fun links below with you free of charge, but then I also acknowledge that it's hardly random, as I imagine it's come to be expected of our Wednesday emails at this point. Oh, well. Guess we'll just have to settle for habitual kindness instead.
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Today's famous birthday boys/girls/persons are as follows:
• Actor Lou Diamond Phillips, born this day in 1962! Sure, he may be best-known for roles in "serious" films like La Bamba, Stand and Deliver, and Young Guns I & II, but in my humble opinion the two best movies he's ever graced with his presence are the imaginatively-titled Bats — because who doesn't love watching millions of CGI bats terrorize a small Texas town? — and Demon Wind (uncredited), which is pretty much without peer as far as low-budget straight-to-VHS horror movies about backwoods demonic infestations go.
• Basketball player of some note Michael Jeffrey Jordan, born this day in 1963! Mr. Jordan is a 6x NBA champion, 6x NBA Finals MVP, 5x NBA MVP, 14x NBA All-Star, and 2x Olympic gold medalist. Best not to look at his baseball stats, though...
• Actress Denise Richards, born this day in 1971! Sure, Ms. Richards may have made a name for herself in 90s blockbusters like Starship Troopers, Wild Things, and The World Is Not Enough, but all the cool kids know that her best film is 1994 black comedy sci-fi horror Tammy & The T-Rex. It's a classic tale of boy meets girl, boy gets brutalized and left for dead by girl's psychotic ex, boy's brain is transplanted into animatronic tyrannosaurus rex by mad scientist (played by Bernie from Weekend At Bernie's, naturally), boy/rex goes on vengeful stomping/chomping killing spree, only to be reunited with girl at the end of the movie as a disembodied brain to live happily ever after. You know — the stuff of TRUE ROMANCE.
• Aging punk Billie Joe Armstrong, born this day in 1972! Mr. Armstrong continues to churn out pop-punk nuggets as the lead singer, guitarist, and primary songwriter of Green Day.
• Actor Joseph Leonard Gordon-Levitt, born this day in 1981! One of the few former child stars — A River Runs Through It, Angels in the Outfield, 3rd Rock from the Sun — to successfully transition to adult stardom — 50/50, (500) Days of Summer, Don Juan, Inception, The Dark Knight Rises, etc.
OK, OK...you've waited long enough. It's link time!
Normally this sort of whimsical, tiny home, goat-owning vagabond stuff grates on my nerves, but every day that goes by I get one step closer to just packing it in and fleeing to the desert to live among the bats, scorpions, and lizards. So while I loathe it, I also kinda get it and am not-so-secretly jealous.
Tom Bob documents his brightly-colored re-imaginings of sewer covers, ventilation grates, drain pipes, and more on Instagram, and they're lovely!
3. This website helps those of us pining for the good ol' days.
And by "good ol' days" I mean "back when we gathered mask-less indoors and paid folks to make and bring us fancy delicious adult beverages." I Miss My Bar pairs a great playlist with sliders that allow users to adjust ambient bar noise to their desired volume level as a way to simulate being in a bar. Will it replace the real thing? No. But will it (briefly) trick you into believing that you're wearing something other than sweatpants while you knock back that sad excuse for a cocktail on your couch? Maybe!
You are? Well you're in luck, then! Dark Corners Reviews on YouTube recently released a super-cut of the ten best stop-motion monsters that horror/sci-fi/fantasy legend Ray Harryhausen ever created!
Video editor Khalid Shahin and his sister Jameelah did whatever the video editing version of crate-digging is and found the perfect Beavis voiceover tracks to pair with scenes from late-80s cartoon The Legend of Zelda. I think you'll agree with me that moving forward you will only ever hear Beavis's voice when you see Link speak.
Boredwalk Community: Flipping the Bird to Imperialist Monuments
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
I’m a part-time performer (music, poetry, comedy), part-time youth mentor (performing/creative arts), and a part-time manager at a used bookstore. Pretty much a retail grunt that gets to do some cool stuff on the side. All in all, not a bad lot.
My dream jobs have always been English Lit Teacher (corny, I know, but I’m a masochist) and Magician/Comedian/Clown, sort of like The Amazing Johnathan but without all the rampant later-in-life drug binges (also corny, sure, but also, I suppose, because I’m a masochist).
2. What keeps you up at night?
I don’t know, I guess the muffled screams I hold inside as I lie there, wondering if death will sweep in during the night and take me while I slumber, like an idiot, oblivious to the reaper’s touch?
That or the sound of my ceiling fan. It makes this weird noise that sounds like a kid with metal teeth trying to tell me something in a language I can’t understand; I like the cool air while I sleep, though, so I leave it on.
3. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
Well, I’m definitely not one of those sickos who’d choose invisibility, so I’d have to say invulnerability or, more specifically, immortality — so I could watch all other life eventually grind to a halt as the stars flicker out and see the heat death of the universe as it brings me, eventually, the peace of infinite quiet.
AHEM, I mean, flight, right? Everybody wants to fly.
4. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
Ohhh, this is a good one and I have an UNHEALTHY amount of ideas, but the one I’m going to settle on here is…
Any time they press the button to unlock their car door, they accidentally press the button to lock it right as they’re about to pull the handle, so it doesn’t open — their hand yanks from the handle all stupid like and it hurts a little. (Ed. note: the specificity and relative innocuousness of this is oddly soothing.)
5. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
I want to take a photo flipping the bird to all dated, racist, and imperialist monuments in the US.
I’ve got about half a dozen under my belt, including the Washington Monument, the IMF, and the White House (and let me tell you, LOTS of the people walking by did NOT like what I was doing with my trip to DC, lol).
what I was doing with my trip to DC, lol).
6. What's the most useful piece of advice you've ever received?
I didn’t receive it directly, but I got a lot of great advice from the books I read. Something that has long remained at the forefront of my mind, though, is the sentiment from Kurt Vonnegut:
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
7. What is a surprising fact about you?
I don’t know, hmm, that I’m 37 years old, maybe? Most people don’t think I look as old as I am and, while that feels like it should always be a good thing, it’s sometimes kind of annoying! Ha!
It’s also strange to look at myself in the mirror and know I’m closer to the natural end of my life than I might appear to be. I guess it’s difficult to think of what about me is surprising, since I’m kind of frighteningly transparent, lol.
8. Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).
I’m a huge advocate for comics and poetry, so a misconception shared by the two that I often find myself positioned against is that they are narrow mediums; that comics are all superheroes and kid stuff, that poetry is either stuffy and academic or nothing more than unsuccessfully-pithy Instagram posts —
Both so varied and wide and sweeping that I believe everyone can connect to something in those mediums, if they’re just introduced to it. Comics are everything from drama to sci-fi, memoir to journalism, comedy to educational. Poetry is as diverse as language and can be found everywhere: in the songs we love and, probably, in the notebooks of your friends that keep their notebooks hidden.
I’m all over social media and way more active on the internet than I probably should be, but I’m @smokerbuddy (Instagram and Twitter), MondernLit on YouTube, and Melchor Sahagun III (Facebook). I post performances and original work, info for events I host, radical left observations about the state of our country, and lots of jokes that I hope are funny.
Find me, friend me, let me annoy you, whatever works!
NORMALLY I CAUTION AGAINST THE PHRASE "IT COULD BE WORSE."
We're not tempting fate this week because if we say that dreaded phrase the universe will certainly hear it and deliver, but this week I'm more showing than telling.
Before we get to this week's fun distractions let's have some birthday cake!
Me furiously shoveling carby comfort into my maw.
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Today's birthday celebrants include:
• Actress and filmmaker Laura Dern, born this day in 1967. Dern is the recipient of numerous accolades, including an Academy Award, a Primetime Emmy Award, and five Golden Globe Awards. She's known for appearing in films such as Blue Velvet, Jurassic Park and Wild at Heart, but my personal favorite is 90s era black comedy Citizen Ruth.
• Actress director, writer, and producer Elizabeth Banks, born this day in 1974. Banks is known for starring in a host of films including The Hunger Games, Wet Hot American Summer, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, and The 40-Year Old Virgin.
• Songstress Roberta Cleopatra Flack, born this day in 1937. She is known for several number 1 singles, including "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face", "Killing Me Softly with His Song", "Feel Like Makin' Love"; and "Where Is the Love." Flack is the only solo artist to win the Grammy Award for Record of the Year in two consecutive years: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" won at the 1973 Grammys and "Killing Me Softly with His Song" won at the 1974 Grammys.
• Cartoon series Tom & Jerry, which premiered on this day in 1940. Between 1940 and 1958 the series won seven Academy Awards for Best Animated Short Film, tying for first place with Walt Disney's Silly Symphonies with the most awards in the category.
OK, OK...you've waited long enough. It's link time!
1. Sick of your own four walls? Here's something to help you appreciate your digs.
Yes, we've all spent entirely too much time in our own homes over the last year, but at least we're not living in New York City's worst apartment ever. I know this sounds like a lofty claim, but click on through and be in awe of a dwelling so terrible, you'll be glad it's not yours.
2. Celebrating Valentine's Day alone? Maybe it's just as well.
This Instagram account has an epic collection of dating horror stories. It'll be enough to make you appreciate the one you're with, even if the one you're with is a house cat and a bottle of merlot.
3. Sure we're living in plague times, but at least we're safe from 50-foot felines.
Artist Fransdita Muafidin re-imagines the internet's favorite critters as larger-than-life menaces taking down cities and countrysides alike. The results are both adorable and hilarious.
4. You might love your comfy pants, but do you love them as much as this guy's wife does?
Music parody creator Penn Holderness takes aim at his wife's favorite pair of lounge pants in this silly re-write of 80's pop classic 'Safety Dance'.
The only thing this will make you appreciate is that Weird Al is still a national treasure.
Boredwalk Community: Good Bourbon and a Giant Ice Cube!
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
I am an author, often an author of fiction. I write for adults and I write YA and it's my actual dream job. I've wanted to be a novelist since I was a kid.
2. What's a book you think the Boredwalk community should read?
I'm going to be incredibly vain here and say my newest novel, Mixtape for the End of the World. It comes out May 18th from Blue Handle Publishing and is about a high school sophomore navigating life, love, music, and Y2k — the literal end of the world! It's a fun, nostalgic look back at high school at a time when music was a precious commodity and felt like a treasure hunt when discovering new stuff; a time when everyone had a garage and everyone had a garage band. Plus, there are lots of easter eggs from the 90's sprinkled in that I hope will make readers go, "Hey! I remember that!"
3. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
I'd like to take Paul Rudd's power of being able to look 35 for the rest of my life.
4. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
That every morning when they put on their shoes, one of the laces breaks and they have to choose to either wear a different pair of shoes or spend five minutes re-lacing it.
5. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
I have admittedly lived a pretty kick-ass life. I've been surfing in the Pacific, I've seen the Cubs win a World Series, I've had a book debut at #1 on Amazon. I've drank Pappy Van Winkle bourbon. I've got a wife who is much smarter and better looking than me. My bucket list is pretty crossed off.
6. If you drink: what's your go-to drink? If you don't drink: what's your go-to dessert or snack?
Good bourbon with a giant ice cube. Right now my go-to is Longbranch, Matthew McConaughey's collaboration with Wild Turkey. It's Kentucky bourbon through and through, but with notes of mesquite to make you remember you're in Texas.
7. Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).
That writers are flighty, head-in-the-clouds daydreamers. This is true but we also pay attention to everything around us, looking for things to put into stories, to build plots off of. And if you piss us off, we'll probably write you into a story just so we can kill you off.
8. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
I'm online on all the socials (@writerbrandt) and my website is www.writerbrandt.com. When there's not a pandemic raging through the world, I can often be found at my favorite local coffee joint, Palace Coffee.
...BUT WHAT ABOUT ITS DATE NIGHT?
Happy National Carrot Cake Day! I hope you have slightly spiced wishes and cream cheese frosting dreams tonight...but heaven help you if you ruin this thing with raisins.
NO IT'S NOT, ROB LOWE! #StopTheLie
Also, happy National Golden Retriever Day! Bonus points if you happen to celebrate National Doggie Date Night (which is also today/tonight) WITH a golden retriever, but let's be honest — every pupper, regardless of breed, deserves some quality time with their human companion.
Finally, happy National Women Physicians Day! This day celebrates the life of Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell, the British-born first female doctor to earn a medical degree and practice in the U.S.
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So many birthdays today! Let's put them into categories:
• Music: German composer Felix Mendelssohn, born this day in 1809!
• Medicine: The aforementioned physician (and abolitionist) Elizabeth Blackwell, born this day in 1821! Un-fun fact: it took several years for Dr. Blackwell to gain admittance to medical school. According to the vast majority of rejection letters she received, this had nothing to do with her actual intellectual capability and everything to do with either a.) her "inferiority" due her gender and/or b.) the fear that she might actually be good and that the resulting influx of women into the medical industry would put all of those helpless male doctors out of a job. (Heaven forbid they do what a normal person would do and just BE BETTER AT THEIR DAMN JOB.) Good on Hobart College in New York for being the least-terrible institute of higher learning circa 1847!
• Art: Painter & illustrator Norman Percevel Rockwell, born this day in 1894! Mr. Rockwell's work became synonymous with The Saturday Evening Post thanks to the cover illustrations depicting an idealized (but wildly unrealistic) version of American life, but once his contract with the Post ended he finally was free to explore his favored political themes of civil rights, poverty, and space exploration while under contract with Look magazine.
• Drama: Morgan Fairchild (1950), Nathan Lane and Maura Tierney (1965), Warwick Davis (1970), and Isla Fisher (1976)
OK, OK...you've waited long enough. It's link time!
1. Remember that resourceful maze-running hamster from two weeks ago? Yeah, it has competition now.
This hedgehog must be as bored in quarantine as its human clearly is to put up with learning this sh!t.
Instagram user RumHamRevenge (which might just be the best Insta handle I've ever come across) is doing some next level stuff with cameras and a seemingly never ending supply of monster masks. Check it out...if you dare! (Don't miss the Reels section of his profile. High-quality horror humor abounds.)
3. Happy Fluff Comics is an adorable (and relatable) comic strip from cartoonist Askhara Ashok!
From grooming to periods to dating to shopping, this is all just...wonderful!
Hat tip to Kealan for this one! Welcome to the delightful world of book nooks — tiny 3D dioramas that sit on your bookshelf! As awesome as they are, though, they present a dilemma by requiring valuable shelf space. Which books from your collection would make the cut and remain? Which would have to be re-homed to accommodate the nook? Do tell!
5. Goose.Fight = minimalist comics for fans of the existentially absurd.
I don't quite understand why I find these so funny; I just know that I do.
THESE LINKS ARE URCHIN TO MAKE YOU SMILE!
Happy National Chocolate Cake Day! I hope you have made appropriate celebration arrangements — I know I have!
Speaking of chocolate cake, have you ever noticed that it's the most dangerous of all cakes? True story! Black Forest cake (not that the Black Forest region of Germany is dangerous, but it certainly sounds sinister); Devil's food cake; chocolate lava cake; Death by Chocolate; Depression cake; blackout cake. Watch yourselves out there, fellow cake fiends!
There is nothing "mild" about the way chocolate makes me feel.
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On the birthday front we have several worth recognizing, so I'll be categorizing them thusly:
• Whimsical weirdos with regrettable photography interests: Deacon, poet, and children's novelist Charles Lutwidge "Lewis Carroll" Dodgson (1832).
• Fancy dancers with wandering eyes: Soviet (Latvian) ballet defector Mikhail Nikolayevich Baryshnikov (1948), who ruled pretty much every stage he set foot on in the 1970s and 1980s. He was the Wilt Chamberlain of the pointe shoe set. His performance in the 1977 production of The Nutcracker still slays, and I say that as someone who knows zilch about ballet.
• Funny humans: Comedian, actor, and writer Patton Oswalt (1969)! Patton remains one of my favorite stand-up comics ever, and if you're unfamiliar, his 2007 album Werewolves and Lollipops is a great entry point to his special brand of self-deprecating humor.
• Talented actors: Bridget Fonda (1964) and Alan Cumming (1965).
OK, OK...you've waited long enough. It's link time!
1. Why are British place names such a nightmare to pronounce? Now we know!
These enterprising lads endeavor to explain the cause of so much linguistic consternation.
2. Mokomoko is a mysterious wizard of snow sculpting. Let's all chill in awe!
Seriously, these are incredibly detailed and realistic snow sculptures of pokémon, Godzilla, and what appears to be an airbender of some sort. Don't worry, there are also cats.
3. Now let's all watch this adorable otter snuggle its kitty pal!
Look, I know that we shouldn't domesticate wild animals, but OMFG I want an otter to love on me as much as this one is loving on this cat.
4. Nothing slaps quite as hard as 1960s anti-glue sniffing propaganda cartoons.
I've never seen such an adorably maleficent tube of toxic adhesive — delightful!
Check out that swagger!
Boredwalk Community: Accountant by Day, Homebody by Night
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
I'd like to be able to say something along the lines of the "hit" movie Angel: High School Honor Student by Day. Hollywood Hooker by Night. Alas, I'm simply Accountant by Day. Homebody by Night. My dream job would be curating art shows, maybe have a small record label that puts out groovy shite. (Ed. note: I did not know about this film franchise until just now. And yes, it IS a franchise — it has FOUR sequels! I know what's on MY to-do list next weekend...)
2. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Recording of live shows on people's cell phones. Put down the phone and get into the show! Your audio and video are gonna suck. Let it go... (Agreed! Just wait for the tour doc to hit streaming services and frame your ticket stub like a grown-ass adult.)
3. What's a life pro tip the Boredwalk community needs to know?
Do everything now. Don't wait (unless in the case of me completing these questions). If you don't do things now, you may not get the chance to do them for a while...or ever. Covid reinforces that belief.
Another is "Ask, because you'll never know. 'Yes' and 'No' both have the same number of syllables and neither has more power than the other. People are always willing to help."
4. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
To be invisible. I collect records and would love to flip through people's collections to discover new music. (I mean, if you ask nicely enough they may let you do that fully visible...but I get the desire to be incognito while sitting in judgment of other people's taste.)
5. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
Plantar Fasciitis. That sucks. A lot.
6. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
My main bucket list item was heading to Iceland. My husband and I did that for our honeymoon and it was as amazing as I thought it would be. My other big bucket list item was to go down in a cage into the water to be among great white sharks. I'm letting that one go.
7. If you drink: what's your go-to drink? If you don't drink: what's your go-to dessert or snack?
Whiskey and Coke (the soda).
8. Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).
One of the biggest misconceptions is that accounting people are boring. Sure, we have a lot of really boring people in our world, but ya just gotta seek out the cool ones. They do exist. (True. I've also met some pretty boring artists, too, so the pendulum swings both ways.)
9. What is a surprising fact about you?
I own over 8,000 vinyl records, and my husband and I got married by Kate Pierson of The B-52's! (Technically speaking, anyplace one gets married by Kate Pierson is a love shack.)
10. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
On Instagram @whiskeyanddonuts.
🧀 Does this seem cheesy or...? 🕺🏾
Happy National Disc Jockey Day! Now, before you tire yourself out, turn that beat around and also raise your hands for National Cheese Lover's Day! In celebration, please enjoy this context-free GIF I found when I searched for "disco cheese" on Giphy:
Watch those hips, old timers — you only get the one set!
Today is also Inauguration Day. Do with that information what you will (as long as it involves peacefully watching at home and not attempting a violent overthrow of our flawed-but-fixable government).
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On the birthday front we have bunch that really stand out:
• First up, happy birthday to second man on the Moon Edwin Eugene "Buzz" Aldrin, Jr., born this day in 1930! Col. Aldrin has been a tireless advocate for science and space exploration his entire life, so I imagine it warms his heart to finally see the Office of Science & Technology Policy elevated to a cabinet-level rank, effective at noon today. "Ad astra per aspera" (trans: to the stars through hardships), as my high school Latin teacher Mrs. Sleeper used to say!
• Next, a very trippy and bizarre birthday to filmmaker, musician, writer, actor, and visual artist David Keith Lynch, born this day in 1946! One of the first popular Surrealist filmmakers, Lynch has built a career out of showing weird characters doing weird things. One of these days I'll make it all the way through Dune in a single sitting.
• Moving along, a very rocking birthday to Stanley Bert "Paul Stanley" Eisen, born this day in 1952! Mr. Stanley, aka The Starchild, wrote or co-wrote most of KISS's biggest hits in the 1970s and 1980s, all while in platform boots and a not-insignificant amount of pancake makeup. I hope he rock and rolls all night and parties all day today in celebration! Key tracks: 'Strutter', 'Black Diamond', 'Rock And Roll All Nite', 'Detroit Rock City', 'Shout It Out Loud', and 'Love Gun'
• Next, a happy birthday to actor, writer, producer, and aspiring beet magnate Rainn Dietrich Wilson, born this day in 1962! Mr. Wilson is probably (definitely) best known for his thrice-Emmy-nominated portrayal of terrible deskmate Dwight Schrute on NBC sitcom The Office.
• Finally, a very, very, VERY happy birthday to musician, songwriter, producer, and bandleader Ahmir Khalib "Questlove" Thompson, born this day in 1971! Mr. Thompson is the drummer and co-frontman of hip-hop group The Roots, who in addition to their usual musical activities have been performing as the in-house band for The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon since February 2014. Key Roots albums: Illadelph Halflife, Things Fall Apart, Phrenology, and Game Theory. Key Questlove-produced albums: D' Angelo's Voodoo, Slum Village's Fantastic, Vol. 2, Bilal's 1st Born Second, Common's Electric Circus, and Erykah Badu's Mama's Gun (among so many others).
Historically, it was on this day in 1971 that Marvin Gaye's classic single 'What's Going On' was released, eventually reaching number two on the Billboard Hot 100 and selling over two million copies.
It was also on this day in 1920 that the Eighteenth Amendment of the Constitution went into effect, banning the production, importation, transportation, and sale of alcohol for the ensuing 13 years until the Amendment was repealed with the ratification of the Twenty-First Amendment in 1933. Fun fact: though the 18th Amendment prohibited the production, importation, transportation, and sale of alcohol, it did not actually ban its consumption. A lot of wealthy Americans stockpiled booze in the lead up to its enactment and didn't feel its absence nearly to the degree that the middle and working classes did. Classic rich dick move!
OK, OK...you've waited long enough. It's link time!
1. YouTuber (and mortician) Caitlin Doughty rates famous corpses of the big screen!
Caitlin's 'Ask A Mortician' channel has been going strong for a decade, and she finally brings the goods regarding which famous dead bodies of the silver screen are most lifelike...err, deathlike. Realistic. Whatever. You get it.
2. My life is complete, because there is an Indian restaurant in Manchester, England called This Charming Naan with menu items named using puns related to songs by The Smiths.
Naturally, all vegan, since meat is murder. Thankfully, though, madras is not. Other culinary hits include 'Girlfriend In A Korma' and 'Heaven Knows I'm Masala Now'. *Swoon*
3. Cartoonist Tauhid Bondia's comic strip Crabgrass is great, and you should check it out!
Aesthetically and thematically, this hits the sweet spot for 90s kids.
4. Instant Karma: more than just a John Lennon hit.
H/t to Bored Panda for compiling the best excerpts from the r/instantkarma subreddit. Perfect for when you really want to see some ne'er do wells get their comeuppance!
I guess that's one way to battle quarantine boredom!
Boredwalk Community: I'm Looking at You, Amelia Earhart
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
Actual day job: HR wizard who occasionally dabbles in graphic design and event planning. Although if I had more business savvy and access to worldwide vaccination for everyone, I'd open up an indie bookstore to showcase up-and-coming talent.
2. What's your biggest pet peeve?
People whose only language is English and yet continuously misuse your/you're or their/they're/there. It's actually because of this pet peeve that my friend got me this shirt for Christmas and introduced me to the Boredwalk community! (Ed. note: you are preaching to the choir, Zachary!)
3. What's a book you think the Boredwalk community should read?
Just one? Man. It's hard to pick. Ideally I'd like to say "read any book where you see yourself and your upbringing represented," but to keep with the theme of my shirt, I'm gonna say Because Internet: Understanding the New Rules of Language. The irony of this recommendation is not lost on me. Trust.
4. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
My answer to this at one point was just "Danny Phantom" since he can phase, go invisible, and fly, but if that's triple dipping, I'll settle for retrocognition. I could see what anyone was doing at any point in the past, and I could use it to solve historical mysteries! Looking at you, Amelia Earhart. (I would have allowed your original answer, but thanks for clueing me in to retrocognition!)
5. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
They would always experience *just* enough of a delay between people's mouths moving and hearing sound come out, like a poorly buffered video. Both online and in real life. (Yeah, that would drive me nuts after just a few minutes.)
6. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
Setting foot on all six continents with habitable human history! And the Studio Ghibli theme park when that opens in a couple years or so — I just wanna live my best Spirited Away fantasy.
8. If you drink: what's your go-to drink? If you don't drink: what's your go-to dessert or snack?
Tinto de verano! It's a wine cocktail they serve a lot in Spain — one part red wine, one part lemon seltzer/soda. During this holiday season, however, I discovered the magic that is hot chocolate with Trader Joe's gingerbread liqueur. I'm never looking back.
9. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
Deactivated most of my social media and made a New Year's resolution to visit 52 different parks (be they city, state, national, or theme) in Southern California this year. When I'm not working, there's a good chance that you'll spot me at one on the weekends!
THE STREET? SESAME. THE DAY? RUBBER DUCKY!
Happy National Rubber Ducky Day! If you — like me — are of a certain vintage, there are two things everybody knows: Rubber Ducky is THE ONE, and Rubber Ducky makes bath time fun!
Ernie knows that cleanliness is meaningless in the absence of a fun bathing experience.
Today is also National Gluten-Free Day, which is a culinary travesty, but I also don't want to minimize the plight of folks cursed with Celiac disease. The upside is that means there is more gluten for me!
The good news is that today is also National Korean American Day, in honor of January 13th being the day in 1903 when the first wave of Korean immigrants landed in Hawaii and settled there on a permanent basis. While Korean cuisine does include some gluten-y ingredients at times, most rice varieties are gluten-free. So break out the kimchi and gochujang and settle in for some bibimbap in celebration! Save some room for a nectarine, though — those were popularized in the US by Los Angeles-based Korean American fruit seller Leo C. Song in the 1930s!
Last, but not least, today is also National Sticker Day! Fun fact: every Boredwalk order ships out of our office with a free limited edition vinyl sticker featuring one of our designs!
*****
On the birthday front we have three that really stand out:
• First up, happy birthday to legendary jazz guitarist and composer Joe Pass, born this day in 1929! Despite a fairly crippling heroin addiction interrupting his career in the 1950s, he went on to work with greats Oscar Peterson and Ella Fitzgerald in the 1960s and 1970s and continued performing until shortly before his death from liver cancer in 1994.
• Next, a very playful (but surprisingly hard) birthday shove to the very funny Julia Scarlett E. Louis-Dreyfus Hall, born this day in 1961! While she is most well-known for her portrayal of the character Elaine Benes on world-conquering 1990s sitcom Seinfeld, it's important to remember her time as an SNL cast member, her bizarre appearance opposite IRL husband Brad Hall in 1986's horror-fantasy Troll, and her starring roles in more recent shows The New Adventures of Old Christine and Veep.
• Moving along, happy birthday to television screenwriter, producer, showrunner, and author Shonda Rhimes, born this day in 1970! Ms. Rhimes is most well-known as the creator, head writer, and producer of the popular Grey's Anatomy and its spin-off Private Practice, but she also brought us the political thriller Scandal and crime drama How To Get Away With Murder. What a dynamo! But let's not forget that she also wrote Britney Spears' critically-panned 2001 vehicle Crossroads...
A bunch of war stuff happened on this day across history, but the thing that really jumped out at me about today is that it was on this day in 1919 that California voted to ratify the constitutional amendment prohibiting the sale of alcohol. Boo!
OK, OK...you've waited long enough. It's link time!
1. This dude in China trained his pet goldfish to play soccer.
On the one hand, this is very impressive. On the other, they're never going to win a World Cup unless they work on their defense, too.
2. Man decides to build home gym, invites his dogs to become inaugural members.
That's a pretty sweet-looking spa and smoothie bar!
3. Want to watch praying mantises watch TV?
Of course you do! I'm conflicted about this, though — I don't know if this constitutes "enrichment" so much as "cruel torture." I'd be a pretty unhappy mantis if you kept showing me foods I could never actually eat.
4. Let's all ooh and aah at the finalists for the "Best Optical Illusion of 2020" contest!
...even if the true winner was "the belief that 2021 would be remotely better than 2020."
As a fan of both Rube Goldberg machines and the game Mouse Trap, I love this! That said, the two most unrealistic elements of this video are that 1.) someone found a functional purpose for a fidget spinner, and 2.) this little critter didn't leave a SINGLE PELLET OF POOP in its wake over the course of these five minutes. I know from experience: hamsters are sh!t machines.
Boredwalk Community: Rock N' Roll Puppeteering
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
I help write public health safety standards. It sounds utterly boring, but I help make sure that the water you drink isn't poisonous and the products you use don't kill you. So it's really rewarding and kind of a big deal. (Ed. note: the most important jobs tend to be the most thankless. So thank you!)
2. What's your biggest pet peeve?
People who chew with their mouths open, people who ask me if I'm okay when I say "ow," people who call the cops on other people when they should be minding their own damn business, people who... I guess just anything people do annoys me. (Same!)
3. What's a book you think the Boredwalk community should read?
Untamed by Glennon Doyle
4. What's the most useful piece of advice you've ever received?
One time in therapy, while blaming myself for the problems of those I love, my therapist told me that I'm "not as important in other people's lives" as I think I am. I was offended at first, but then I realized she was right. I'm not the cause of other people's problems and it's not my job to help solve them. (*Nods*)
5. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
To help people that disagree with me to see that I am, in fact, correct. (Which in theory would obviate the need for any other super power. Clever!)
6. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
Hiccups.
7. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
I'd love to visit Japan; I've been learning Japanese since the pandemic started, and I'd love to go and completely confuse people with my loose grasp on their language.
8. What is a surprising fact about you?
I used to be a puppeteer in a rock n' roll puppet show. We had a skit about Jeffrey Dahmer. It was awesome.
9. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
A long, long time ago, I was cool and I used to shoot photos of bands and burlesque performers. You can see photos on my Flickr.